Learning to be alone and why it's so important

 Well hello to you my reader chums! Being alone is something that holds a stigma around it. We associate being alone with being lonely or being sad but that's not the case in any sense. Being alone is empowering and it should be treated that way - it means you're so assured with yourself and your life that you don't need to rely on other people.

Learning to be alone and why it's so important

If you're newly single, struggling to find friends, or don't know how to be alone, here are my best tips on how to do so and why it's so important.

How to be alone

Practise self-love

As many of you will know, I'm a huge advocate for self-love, being the love of your own life, and embracing who we are. I honestly believe that loving ourselves is the first step in leading our happiest and best ever lives. Once you love yourself, the things around you will naturally fall into place. Self-love links with being alone more than you can think.

We often seek other people's validation to make us feel good enough, loved, and worthy and that's why many of us struggle to be on our own or do things alone. However, by learning to love yourself, accepting your flaws, praising your best bits, and know it's okay not to be okay all of the time, you'll find it a lot easier to be with yourself and your thoughts - you'll actually value it and enjoy it a lot more. This is because you will fulfill the love in yourself rather than seeking it from people and places.

Start doing activities on your own

In terms of activities being alone (which is healthy for us all to do), the first step is doing those kinds of activities on your own. It can start off simple by going for a walk, then move on going for a coffee, going to a restaurant, going to the cinema and travelling alone, etc. We naturally do the inside things on our own such as reading and watching TV, but it's stepping out of our bubble and doing the outside world things which can be the hardest - as many of us are worried about other people's judgment.

Once you embrace how fun it is to spend time with yourself and that everything is on your own clock, you'll find you're not bothered about the unnecessary glaring eyes.

Be your own hype girl

This is one of my favourite things to talk about as we all deserved to be hyped. As much as people hyping you up is important, it's not the same as doing it for yourself and being your own hype girl. I always say talk to yourself as you would your best friend and this piece of advice goes hand in hand with practising self-love. By being your own hype girl, you won't need someone there to boost you up, you can do that on your own and will find being alone coming more naturally with that type of validation.

Learn that it's normal to be on your own

The stigma around being alone irritates my soul, whether that's in terms of choosing to be single or simply doing your day-to-day on your own. Some people thrive on their own, they don't need people around them and that's the energy we all need to live with. It is normal and healthy to be on your own, to spend time with yourself and to be your own favourite person. We're complete as we are and everyone that comes into your life is just an addition to that, to compliment you.

The stigma and social construct around being alone are what stops a lot of people from embracing it, enjoying it, and knowing it's completely normal.

Accept that you can't always be social

Nobody is social 365 days of the year in every single moment, that would be near impossible. We all need time on our own, to spend quality time with ourselves and our own thoughts. You don't need to have plans to see people every day or exciting events going on every weekend, it's okay to spend it on your own, and be on your own. This took me a while to accept as I thought it was strange not always being around people as that's what society told me was normal, even though I'm a big introvert. Once you accept you don't need to be social all the time, you'll learn to love your time even more.

Embrace your alone time

This leads me onto embracing alone time. When you have it, when life isn't busy, really embrace and appreciate it. Those with busy lives find it hard to have that alone time and it's not a healthy way to live life. You need to be on your own, you need time to learn more about yourself in what you enjoy doing in life and be with your own mind.

Prioritise alone time

Embracing alone time when you have it is one thing but prioritising it is another. We all need to make time for ourselves, the way we do for family and friends. This could be an hour a night to read or practice self-care, or a weekend doing an activity by yourself. Whatever way you like alone time to be, ensure you put the time in your diary - as one it'll make you appreciate it more and in turn teach you how to be alone.

Stop caring what people think of you

People's opinions on you aren't important, it's how you view yourself that matters. Not everyone is going to like you in life, that's normal as you won't like every single person you come across. The problem is when we spend time on our own in public, it's the judgment of others that puts us off but honestly, who cares what they think? If you're happy being on your own and living your life then enjoy it.

Remove expectations that you have yourself

Expectations and opinions from other people are one thing but the expectations you have of yourself are the most important thing - and something you need to take away if it's causing too much pressure and stress. Taking away unnecessary expectations you've put on yourself will make being on your own a lot easier - and better to embrace and enjoy.

Value the importance of growth

Growing as a human is incredibly important as we're always changing and evolving. Being on your own and spending quality time with yourself can really help with this because you're spending time with your thoughts and that'll give you time to reflect and improve. This will also help you look back and realise how far you've come as a person.

Why it's so important to be alone

Being alone isn't something we should take for granted and something that should be valued over being shamed. It's important to be alone for many reasons. Being alone teaches you about yourself, what you want out of life and who you are. Being alone teaches you not to rely on other people and put yourself first. Being alone teaches you to love yourself and accept yourself for who you are. Being alone allows you to grow and know the value of it. But most importantly, being alone teaches you that you are the main character in your own life and you deserve to be happy and do whatever you want to do.

Learning to be alone needs to be celebrated and acknowledged more as it can be hard to sit with your thoughts, face your traumas and push yourself to be the best version of yourself. You are a whole person and deserve to be loved.

I hope you enjoyed this post. What other tips do you have?

Thank you for reading <3

68 comments

  1. I love alone time. I do miss it sometimes..... I can be one my one for hours.

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  2. I used to hate being on my own, I come from a massive family so rarely had alone time. As I've got older and moved out, I've began to relish some nuggets of time on my own. It's rare that I get it but when I do I really go for it!
    Rosie

    https://www.loverosiee.co.uk

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  3. Learning to be alone is hard and I absolutely hate the thought of being alone but I’m defo going to take your tips into consideration. I’m trying my hardest to learn self-love and practice it everyday! Thank you so much for sharing this lovely Xo

    Elle - ellegracedeveson.com

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    1. It is and I hope these tips help, thank you for your lovely comment xx

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  4. I love being alone! Time to myself is something I need to recharge! I don't get much alone time now with the baby but that's different as I kind of feel like he's part of me.

    In terms of being single, I was single most of my 20's and I loved it. I felt social pressure around getting a partner, and sometimes did feel a bit alone but for the most, I loved being able to do exactly what I want all the time. I loved living on my own as well! It made me sufficient and realise that I don't need anyone. Now I'm in a relationship becauseI want to be, not because I need to be!

    Corinne x
    https://skinnedcartree.com

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    1. Yes yes yes!! This is how it should be as I'm so glad you enjoy your alone time xx

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  5. This is a great post! When I was younger I used to be alone a lot of times, and thought I don't mind it. But to be fair only recently I realized, that sleeping during these lonely times doesn't mean - it's fine.

    It took my few months after starting dealing with my depression to learn how to actually love myself and enjoy myself. Right now I'm a much happier person.

    I think this kind of articles are extremely important. Great job!

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    1. Thank you lovely, I'm so glad to hear you're happier now!

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  6. This is such a great post! I love the idea of hyping and boosting yourself up x

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  7. This is a great post and really helpful! I never used to like being alone as I tend to get locked in thoughts and regrets from the past without other people around to distract me. However I am learning how to focus on the present and enjoy alone time more.

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    1. Thank you! I'm glad you're learning to enjoy alone time xx

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  8. As a wife and mother I don’t often get time alone, I’ve usually got some company. But I do enjoy having time to myself. I love working out alone. Going on my elliptical and just watching a Netflix show is bliss. I can switch off from everything else and just concentrate on myself.

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  9. Love this! Although I'm in a long term relationship, I'm really working on the relationship with myself when I'm alone. I struggled being alone or spending time along for such a long time but now I love it. I'm currently planning my first solo spa trip!

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    1. Thank you!! Ahh this is incredible, well done you xx

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  10. Oh for some solitude. My Friday runs are almost entirely designed to provide me with some alone time.

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  11. Great tips, definitely is good to do things on your own and focus on self care. Thank you for sharing!

    Fransic - https://www.querianson.com

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  12. I love this post! As much as I love friends and conversations with other people, I also especially enjoy having time to myself to be alone and to more fully connect with myself. Maybe coming from a big family, I treasure it even more. :)
    Thanks for sharing!

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  13. Spending time alone is one of the hardest things to do, but it’s so liberating. Once you start stepping out of your comfort zone and work on yourself, you’ll realize you don’t need to rely on anyone. When you’re a better person to yourself, you’re a better person to others. Thank you for sharing Della!

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  14. I love alone time & need it to recharge. I think it all depends on your personality type, but there is an assumption that alone time equals loneliness.

    I am currently sat on the sofa, alone, in peace & quiet at 6.30am - this is my happy place :)

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  15. These are great tips. It took me a while to learn to be on my own. My hubby works long shifts so it was something I knew I needed to conquer.

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  16. Such a powerful message that all women need to see. I am so happy that you wrote this. Being alone is so important for everyone. I truly believe that only by being alone for a period of time, will you discover what you really want and value. Thank you so much for sharing this xoxo

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  17. This is most definitely something I need to work on a bit - I kind of enjoy being alone now, but I have always struggled with the idea and just toying with it now seeing how the benefits surpass all the cons of this. A great article, Della x

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  18. Great post.. I agree that learning to be alone is an important thing to do. Luckily, I've always been happy to be alone and love hanging out on my own, whether I am sitting at home or at a cafe in town!

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  19. The article really resonates with me. I am a true loner and don't mind staying alone or not mingling with friends on daily basis. People find it weird, but I enjoy it.

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  20. Yes to all of this! I used to be someone who couldn't eat alone in a restaurant or go to the cinema on my own, but now it doesn't bother me at all. I think a huge part of that was stopping caring what others think of me! I'm an introvert so I'm pretty comfortable just spending time on my own. Great post Della!

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  21. This is a really great post! I honestly love my alone time so much. It's the only time I really get to just chill for a bit. I'm a big theatre-goer and when I first moved to London I didn't always have someone to go to the theatre with... so I would just go by myself. It felt so good because I wasn't letting anything stop me from doing something that I enjoyed. I'd honestly still do it now if I couldn't find anyone to come with me :)

    Kate | https://asimplesliceofkate.com/

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  22. Love this! It's so important to normalise being alone - in fact, it can be one of the best times! Learning to love ourselves is so vital and I know I struggle with what other people think about me - although I'm beginning to work on that! Thank you so much for sharing x

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  23. I love spending time alone! And it's really great to accept that we don't always have to be social creatures and it's okay to be alone and prioritize ourselves :)

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  24. I love this! Going solo travelling really helped me conquer the anxiety of being alone in public and it honestly opened my life up to not have to rely on others to do things x

    mia // https://beautiful-inspiring-creative-life.com/

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  25. Oh lordy, this was such a great post to read! I loved the section about being your own hype girl! I feel very lucky that I have exactly this type of mindset, although I know it's not one that's easy to have nor maintain. The older I've gotten the less I care what people think about me & I think it's been SO beneficial to my own happiness. In fact now I've often said to others I'd be interested in hearing any negative opinions people had on me, just out of interest. I'd be so interested to hear other peoples actual opinions of me. I don't know if that's weird or not. Haha.

    Claire.X
    www.clairemac.co.uk

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  26. Such an amazing post! It is so true that there is a lot of stigma around being alone. Most people think that it is the same thing as being lonely. Learning how to enjoy your own company is so important.

    Antonia || Sweet Passions

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  27. Ruth| Ruthiee loves Glamour13 September 2021 at 01:15

    I love this post Della! I'm glad we are on the same page on this topic. I love being alone. Like, getting to spend time with myself means the world to me. I enjoy my own company more than anyone's company and I feel like alone time is amazing for self love and also getting time to spend with yourself. Thank you so much for sharing! x

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    1. Thank you so much, I'm really glad to hear that xx

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  28. I loved reading this! It's so important to realise it's totally normal to be on your own and we shouldn't all feel the pressure of having partners, close family, friends, etc!

    Katy | www.katystephenson.com | www.thegrownupsclub.com

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  29. Fantastic post! I have been spending a little time on my own lately, as my boyfriend gets in from work much later than me. I love these tips, and I think learning to like time on your own (and accepting that it doesn't last forever) is so important x

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  30. I definitely think that prioritising and embracing that alone time is good for the soul, I think it is a great way to practice self love and just learn more about yourself too! x

    Lucy | www.lucymary.co.uk

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  31. Such a great post, thank you for sharing! I always appreciated spending time alone and everyone thought I was crazy but it actually brings me so much peace.

    xoxo Olivia | http://www.oliviaandbeauty.com

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  32. Great post with lots of wonderful information! As I get older I find myself craving times when I’m alone - whether it be at home or out shopping etc. Its hard to live with others 24 hours a day and it’s important to build our lives outside of being part of a couple. Thanks for sharing.

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  33. These are some really great suggestions on how to spend time alone. I enjoy time alone sometimes. I work on my blog, watch my favourite tv shows, play games on my phone and have a nice bath and pamper.
    Thank you for sharing these suggestions.

    Lauren - bournemouthgirl

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  34. A big yes to all of this!! I am my biggest hype girl! I love alone time! Great points and post, Della x

    Lynn | https://www.lynnmumbingmejia.com

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  35. Being with others for too long, I still like and enjoy being alone.
    hd transparent lace wigs

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