Well hello to you my reader chums! Consent is a topic I've wanted to talk about for a while for a few reasons. It's a topic that I personally didn't have the right education around growing up - and is something that needs more awareness and voice around it.
Trigger warning - This post contains the topics of sexual assault, rape, and sexual harassment.
It's one of those things that has now received a lot of attention and education on social media as it should, especially for young, impressionable teenagers - and I wish that level of education was around when I was growing up. I wanted to write a post to put my two pence into the situation to share my views and experiences around the topic of consent.
What is consent?
By definition, consent is permission for something to happen by agreement. However, when it comes to consent in a sexual nature, these lines and definitions are often blurred and subjective to allow others to get away with not asking for consent. And that in itself is not only a crime but it's horribly heartbreaking and traumatic for the individual who was taken advantage of.
Consent isn't just asking if you want to have sex with someone, but it's making it clear whether the answer is a distinctive yes or no. Often or not, 'no' or 'stop' is often dismissed or coerced into being a yes so the other person can continue in the sexual act without actually having consent. But sex without consent is rape. It's as simple as that.
When I was growing up, I thought consent meant agreeing to sex and if you had said yes then it's fine and consensual, but that's not always the case. And, if you were in a relationship then it was okay for them to expect sex (which isn't right in any sense.) If you say yes, and then decide you want to stop halfway through and they continue, it's rape. If you say yes but you're too intoxicated to clearly give a distinctive answer, that's rape. If they ask to have sex with you and try and convince you when 'you're not feeling it', that is sexual coercion and a form of sexual assault. None of this is right and legal. Which as hard-hitting as it is, it so important to know.
Why is consent important to talk about?
Spreading awareness about consent is important for many reasons. The sad thing with consent is, once it is fully understood, a lot of people (especially women), come to realise that they have fallen victim to sexual assault and it's a trauma they then have to live with and heal from.
Consent is important to talk about because it helps victims understand that what they experienced is a crime and is wrong in every sense - and helps them come to terms with it's not their fault. After experiencing sexual assault, rape, or harassment, the victim will often feel shameful and blame themselves for what happened. When in reality, they did nothing wrong. The abuser did and they should be held accountable for their actions, rather than victims taking the wrath for being taking advantage of or hurt.
Sexual trauma is awful and can mean many consequences, leading to PTSD, distrust in people, and worsen mental health problems - and that's why by bringing awareness to consent, those who have gone through sexual trauma can begin their journey to healing and can get the help they need.
It's also important to talk about consent so people can be aware of what is consensual and what isn't and to further education. Some perpetrators do not realise that what they did was non-consensual (again this is only some because for the most part, they know it's wrong and rapes occur as a form of control and abuse - I don't want to not dispute that fact) and that's why by teaching them, they will understand what they're doing is illegal and wrong.
Teaching needs to begin at a young age before society and rape culture has the opportunity to be learnt and seen as okay - as it's not. Joking about rape is wrong, encouraging your friends to sexually harass someone is wrong and thinking rape victims are 'asking for it' makes my skin crawl. Nobody asks to be raped or sexually assaulted, the only person who should be blamed is the rapist.
What can you do to help?
This is a huge question and not really a simple answer, but the best thing you can do is talk and spread awareness. With anything in life by having those hard-hitting conversations, it gets people to listen. You don't have to be an influencer or someone famous to start change, it can begin in your family and friends circle and go from there.
Often or not, those victim of rape or sexual assault are people around you, whether it's a family member, friend or work colleague and talking about the topic will allow people the opportunity to open up and not feel shame about what they went through. And the same goes with children or teenagers, reinforcing the idea and education around consent will help them as they get older to either speak out or have a better understanding.
It's important for us to talk, educate and help those who have experienced sexual assault. As someone who has their own story, I want to help others out there and that's where starting a conversation can really benefit someone.
If you're someone who has experienced sexual assault or rape, please know, you're not alone and what happened isn't your fault. If you need additional help, you can phone the Rape Crisis team on 08088029999 or visit their website.
I'm also always here to talk, either DM me on Instagram or Twitter. I'm not a professional but sometimes it's reassuring to have someone to talk to. I know how hard this can be and want to be there for anyone experiencing the same thing. It's going to be okay in the end, I can assure you.
I hope you enjoyed this post. Thank you for reading <3