Well hello to you my reader chums! I'm a massive advocate for self-love; I talk about it a lot on my blog, on my social channels but also in real life, and to myself.
My self-love journey
As I grew into my twenties, all I wanted to be able to do was say 'I love myself' and 'I am enough' because growing up, as I was bullied and went through a series of mental health problems, I didn't have that ability. I constantly didn't feel enough for anyone, I wasn't happy with who I was or my appearance, and looking back on that now is so sad, it actually breaks my heart.
My self-love journey wasn't something that happened overnight, it took years of breakdowns, crying episodes, doubt, hating myself, and lots of different life lessons to get to the point I am now. When I look back at my 16-year-old self, I don't even recognise who I am and I just want to give her the biggest hug ever and reassure her, that she's amazing, beautiful, and unique - and that she shouldn't have to change anything to make everyone else like her.
Learning to love me isn't exactly something I was taught to do growing up. The media representation telling women to be skinny, blonde, and beautiful was toxic and if you weren't that, then you weren't 'perfect', and it had a detrimental effect on my mental health. And let's not forget the obsession with having a 'thigh gap' - that was so awful, plastered all over Tumblr. It goes beyond the media and even people around me enforcing the idea 'skinny is beautiful', 'wearing makeup makes you pretty', 'you're not womanly without big boobs' or 'curves' - and after a while, these comments and thoughts were internalised to a point that I believed them. And, believed I wasn't good enough.
When I was sixteen, I was incredibly skinny, but I thought I was fat, plain and simple as I was short and didn't have super long legs. I also didn't have big boobs or a big bum which again is something plastered all across television, social media, and having the look of a 'perfect body.' I became fixated on this fact and because I didn't look that way, I didn't think anyone would be interested in me, I didn't feel pretty enough. And with the pressing thoughts of my anxiety and depression, made me feel even more worthless, and I hated who I was - looks and personality.
I can't really remember what the changing point of this was for me as it was now eight years ago that I felt at my lowest of who I was. Over the years I went through bouts of this same low but it wasn't as intense, and I didn't have the pressure of school on my shoulders, weighing me down too.
But in those lows, there were also great moments of highs, and the confidence in myself and learning to love who I was, slowly grew. I began enjoying dressing up and taking photos, I felt comfortable walking outside with no makeup on, I surrounded myself with confident and fun friends who boosted me up. And, by surrounding myself with positive people in a happy environment, slowly but surely, good things about myself began to stick. I finally, was on the way to loving myself and thinking I am good enough - and could do anything I put my mind to.
My biggest level of growth in self-love happened in the past year. Before then, in my early twenties, I grew to a point that I liked myself and began feeling confident in lots of different ways with who I was but I was nowhere near where I am now. At the end of 2019, I experienced a breakup and at first, it was awful and nothing I'd experienced before. However, when I looked back and realised how toxic that relationship was and I began to heal, that's when I really focused on self-love even more. 2020 gave me the free time to educate and focus on my healing, overcome traumas I had experienced and focused on the bigger and better things, and aim towards my goals. I re-fell in love with who I was, got into fitness, and fell in love with the idea of nourishing my body, I re-fell in love with my core friendships and spent time on me, working on what I wanted.
This healthier environment helped make everything a lot clearer and I was finally me; being happy, healthy, and free in my own body. I still have down days and hard moments, but overall, I've fully accepted who I am and I'm happy with that - and I've realised I'm the love of my own life. I can do things on my own, I don't need anybody else and I'm okay with that. And, it's important for you to know that too.
How to be the love of your own life
You may be wondering but how did you get to that point? The healing process wasn't easy, let me tell you. I had to take a hard look at every single reason I was feeling that way, come to terms with it and then heal, and that involved a lot of breakdowns as you can imagine. However, here are my best tips on being the love of your own life and things that really helped me:
- Cutting out toxic energy - Who you surround yourself with can have a big impact on how you view yourself, whether it's friends or family. And, if they're not bringing love and positivity to the table and adding value to your life, cut them out or distance yourself from them.
- Focusing on what you want out of life and your goals - Self-love and putting yourself first isn't selfish. It's important to help others and be there for them, but don't let that sway you away from your goals. Always have a focus of what you want and an action plan of how you're going to get there. You only have one of you, use your time wisely.
- Spend time on your own/date yourself - I never used to do this as I was scared of what people would think but once I began, I enjoyed it, and it felt so liberating to be on my own, and do things on my own accord. Take yourself on a walk, to dinner, to the cinema, or to the beach; date yourself and live every moment for you.
- Knowing your worth - We act differently when we truly know and love ourselves. I always say once you know your worth you can take on the world, and it's so true. Knowing your worth means not caring what others think, taking yourself out of toxic situations, and doing what's best for you.
- Anything that doesn't bring you joy, throw away - Similar to how Marie Kondo does this with decluttering, you need to apply the same principle to your life. Whether it's friendships, a job, your routine, or your car, if it doesn't spark joy, remove it from your life. It'll make you a lot happier and you'll learn to find the things in your life that you love - including yourself.
- Affirmations every day - Affirmations are a beautiful thing and a way to reassure yourself of all the wonderful things about yourself. Buy yourself some crystals and have a list of affirmations to say - and repeat them every morning to yourself.
- Realising you don't have to be happy all the time - Being the love of your life, doesn't mean you're going to be on cloud nine all the time, that isn't realistic. Like when you're in a relationship, you will have arguments and bad days and it's the same when you're single, and how you view your own life. It's okay to feel down and have a pity party every now and then, that's normal and healthy - as long as you're able to pick yourself up again.
- Compliment and treat yourself - The same way you compliment or treat your friends/partner, you need to do that with yourself. It could be buying a new outfit, complimenting your work, or simply buying a whole cake for yourself. You deserve to reap the rewards of your own life.
- Express gratitude - Gratitude is key to living a more positive life but also links in the learning to be the love of your own life. When you learn to appreciate what's around you and everything about you, it can help reinforce the idea of how brilliant you really are, and fast forward your journey in self-love.
- Be kind to yourself, always - Kindness is free and something that should be spread wherever you go. It's so important to be kind to people as you never know what they're going through, but it's also really important to apply that mindset to yourself - and treat yourself with the utmost kindness. Be your own biggest cheerleader, take care of yourself when you're having a bad day, and most importantly, reward yourself when you grow further in your life journey. Past you will be so proud of yourself.
Why this is so important
You're the only person out of your entire life that'll be there for you from the moment you're born to the moment you die. As a society, we're always told we need a partner or a companion, but when it comes down to it, even if you have the best partner in the entire world or the best of friends, they can't always be there to pick you up and help you. The only person that will be there every minute of every day is you - and that's why it's so important to learn to be alone, to look after yourself, to be independent, and be your own hype girl.
I hope you enjoyed this post. What tips do you have in learning to love yourself?
Thank you for reading <3