Well hello to you my reader chums!
Confidence comes from within and isn’t something that can grow overnight (as much as we all want it to). It takes hard work, perseverance, and believing in yourself that you can do it and you are worthy, worthy of being happy within yourself.
I’d like to point out before you read this guide that these tips are something I’ve worked on for the most part of 6 years. 18 year old me didn’t have any ounce of self/body confidence about who I was and generally, I hated every bit of myself, and would constantly compare to those around me. But over time and practicing all these methods below, I’ve learned to accept who I am, love my flaws, and become a self-assured individual that knows my worth.
And, you can do that too. I have faith in you!
Surrounding yourself with people who get you
Confidence is about how you feel inside but that can also fall into how you interact with others, and their view of you plays a huge part in this.
Not everyone you meet in life will be your best friend or even want to be your friend and it’s about learning and accepting this - accepting that it’s not because of you. There’s nothing wrong with you, they’re just not your kind of person. When you find people who are right for you, you’ll feel comfortable and the confidence will naturally pull through within yourself.
This also goes hand in hand with saying goodbye to any toxic presence in your life, whether that’s a family member or friend. If they’re putting you down in anyway, it can knock your confidence and make you feel low in yourself. It may sound obvious, but surrounding yourself with the people who boost you up rather than pick on every little thing you do, can really change how you view yourself - and you’ll soon realise that these people want to hang out with you for a reason: you’re beautiful and wonderful in every way. I cannot stress this enough that the right people will love you for you.
Learning to accept who you are
As I said confidence comes from within and the BIGGEST part of tackling that is by fully accepting who you are. This is the hardest step as a lot of us have insecurities, some more than others and that’s okay. But, it’s about embracing those insecurities and rocking them.
Make a list of firstly what you would consider your ‘flaws’ and why you consider them to be your flaws. Read them through and then, rip the piece of paper up/burn it/chuck it away - and that way, you’re releasing all the bad thoughts about yourself but also accepting they’re part of who you are. It’s about physically chucking away the negative energy in your mind. Then, on the flipside, make a list of all your favourite qualities and what you like about yourself, and keep those words to hand. Read them every day and when you’re feeling low, remind yourself of these good qualities and learn to focus on them, rather than the piece of paper you threw away.
If you find yourself thinking about your flaws and how they limit you in anyway, instead of thinking about them in a negative mindset, try and focus on them in a positive light. For instance, ‘I lash out when I’m angry and that’s why people think I’m difficult.’ Instead of thinking people hate you for that, turn it on it’s head and think ‘I’m angry because I’m passionate and care about something deeply and that’s why I lash out.’ By slowly turning the negative thoughts into something positive, you’ll train your mind to think this way. And, ultimately come to terms with the fact you’re not perfect, and it’s okay not to be perfect. Nobody is perfect (as Hannah Montana famously said), we’re all individuals trying to figure out life in our own way.
Accepting yourself is something that will boost your confidence in so many ways. Once you’re at a level where you’re certain about who you are, you’ll find you’re able to speak your mind, wear what you want, and in a way, live freely in every part of your life.
Comfort zones
The phrase ‘life begins at the end of your comfort zone’ speaks volumes, especially when it comes to confidence. For a lot of people, we don’t try new things whether that’s going for a job, wearing a new outfit, going on that date, or flying somewhere different because of our confidence - or low self-esteem. We stay in what we know as it’s easier, safer and you think you can’t really get hurt if you stay there.
However, this is limited and isn’t the way to live your life in any aspect, and stepping out of your comfort zone can bring a world of opportunity.
There was a point in my life that I couldn’t even leave my front door on my own in fear of the outside world, go on a night out, get on public transport by myself or even speak in a job interview. My confidence was too low to interact on my own without a family member or friend with me at any given time. But that period in my life seems worlds away now as I took the plunge of stepping out of my comfort zone, slowly but surely - and my confidence grew in time.
I’m not saying to take a huge plunge but bit by bit you can get there with something your confidence is holding you back from. Have a think about what you’re least confident about and the ways you can gradually get there.
For example, if you really struggle with socialising and speaking out in groups, take the baby steps and get to a point where you feel able to fully immerse yourself in a social situation. Start by accepting invitations to social gatherings, bringing someone or something along as a ‘safety blanket’ to turn to if you’re not feeling confident. Then, see if you’re able to increase the number of people you can see, bit by bit without your safety blanket. Push yourself slowly and in a way, force yourself into that situation. Pushing yourself is the first step of growth in your confidence. This mindset can be applied to any scenario. Like with healing, take a day at a time, and eventually, you’ll find your feet.
Learning your worth comes from you
We often find we need people’s validation to know that we’re worthy and that simply isn’t true. Your worth comes from you and goes hand in hand with accepting who you are, and what you’re all about.
To find your worth, you need to stop only thinking you’re good enough when someone compliments you for something. It’s about finding that worth within yourself, which can come with time after accepting yourself.
When people have low confidence or self-esteem, they simply accept the love they think they deserve and try their best to help aid everyone else’s happiness instead of their own. However, your happiness and confidence is the number 1 priority in every way. Once you’re able to love yourself, you can pour so much love into other people and into the world - and you’ll find, when sharing that love, your confidence will naturally come with it.
Stop comparing yourself
Comparing yourself to another person is natural for every human on this earth - you’re not alone in thinking that. But, what’s not normal or healthy is comparing yourself to the point that you’re hating on yourself or building on that low self-esteem.
When you’re scrolling through Instagram or social media in general (as these days, it’s the place many of us will compare to others), there are a few things that should flicker through your mind instead of comparing yourself to that image. One: what you see online isn’t real (repeat it for the people in the back.) Photos online are often altered, staged, and only show one part of someone’s life, not the hardship they’re also going through. Again, nobody has a perfect life and that pretty person isn’t better than you. Two: Admiration. When you’re admiring someone’s photo, share the love with them and try to avoid thinking about what they have and you don’t. It’s about switching your perspective on things and spreading the love - this will help you feel better within yourself. Three: YOU ARE YOUR OWN PERSON. I can’t stress this point enough. Unfortunately, how our mind works is that we’re always going to think someone is better than us. But what you should be focusing on is that you’re you and people love you for that. YOU DON’T NEED TO BE ANYONE ELSE.
Bumps in the road are okay
Like with any healing process or growth in some way, setbacks are okay in your road to being your most confident self. It’s important to realise that confidence does come with time and experiences, and you’ll learn from that and build from it too.
If you’re having a day when the world comes crumbling down and all your hard work from the effort you put in to being more confident has faded - that is okay. Because you can and you will jump back; you were strong enough to get to that point in your journey that you can get there again. Have patience with yourself and always, always congratulate yourself for the milestones you reach in being more self-confident. Once you see progress, it can really help boost you to work harder. You’ll be loving yourself in no time which is exactly what you deserve.
Letting go
One of the biggest things I’ve learned in life lately which I’ve applied to pretty much everything is the power of letting go - and the effect it can have on your mindset.
Letting go of negative thoughts and how they attach to your low self-confidence is so important. Once you remove the negative mindset from every part of you and your life, then the pathway will open up for you - and you’ll feel free when it comes to any opportunity, and find happiness within yourself.
Confidence is a process but with the right mindset and courage, you can get to a point where you love yourself for who you are, and show that self-love with the world. Have patience and be kind to yourself. You’re only human and perfectly imperfect.
I hope you enjoyed this guide. What tips do you have for boosting your confidence?
Thank you for reading <3