Well hello to you my reader chums! Anxiety is something I talk about all the time, whether it's sharing how I overcame my anxiety, my journey, or tips and tricks you can use in order to understand your anxiety and help yourself.

Anxiety isn't easy and is still a daily struggle for me, even though now I have a bigger and deeper understanding of the condition. Living with anxiety can be different for everyone and it varies from mild to severe, with a lot of people being triggered in different ways.

Whether you have anxiety or someone you know does and you'd like to help, here is what they don't tell you about anxiety.

What they don't tell you about anxiety

The thinking never stops

You may have heard the term overthinker. Well, with anxiety, that's all part of the package. Every conversation, action, or interaction is probably going to be overthought, especially if it wasn't a completely overly positive thing. Anxiety is overthinking the conversation I had with an acquaintance on the street, anxiety is overthinking a comment I made in the work meeting and anxiety is thinking your best friends hate you even though they have no reason to.

It's a constant niggling feeling in your mind which tells you you're not good enough and that you need to worry about X Y and Z. It's hard to beat that voice and flip it, especially as with anxiety (if you've been living with it for a while), you're already used to that constant voice.

It isn't a one size fits all solution

Anxiety is different for everyone. Some people have major social anxiety and can't speak to others, some people may worry about picking up a phone and talking to someone, some people may be anxious about leaving their home town, anxiety can come in all forms. And because of this, not one thing can work for everyone in terms of a solution. Meditation and beach walks may help ease my anxiety but for others that could make it worse. Or, being around people sometimes helps my anxiety as it distracts me but if they're not the right people, I'm triggered.

There are many methods to the route on getting better with anxiety but before you suggest something to someone, just remember that because it worked for you, it doesn't mean it'll work for them.

You can't just stop worrying

Have you ever have friends that say - 'oh don't worry about it' or 'it's not a big deal'. With anxiety, everything is a big deal and it can be hard not to worry about it. The littlest things can send a domino effect of worry around in my brain and it can be exhausting. It's hard to experience that but it's even harder to communicate that to others who haven't experienced anxiety. It often makes me wonder what it would be like to not constantly worry about everything.

You need to feel in control

The thing about anxiety is that you need to feel in control at all times, otherwise, it can terribly trigger it off. Over the years, I've learnt the things I need to do to feel in control and how I can put those in place without controlling the situation, however, to this day, I struggle with this. It's hard when someone else plans my outing, I have to attend a meeting where I don't know what will happen or the plans I played out in my head over and over do not go as expected. 

Feeling in control can come from within and it's just about figuring out how to do just that in order to lessen the weight of anxiety.

It makes you question everything

I'm very grateful for my life, however, anxiety has made me question all the good things. Do my friends actually like me? Am I good enough for that job? Do people think I'm a good person? Am I doing enough? Am I too much? Some of these questions are regular occurrences in my mind and even though, I practice self-love regularly, it can be hard to squish these thoughts some days, especially if I'm having a bad mental health week or my anxiety has been triggered in one way or another.

It can be lonely

Any mental health condition can be lonely, as unfortunately, a lot of what's going on is in your own head and nobody can help that apart from yourself. When I'm triggered and having a really bad anxiety day, I want to be alone as I hate the thought of telling other people the thoughts that run through my brain as deep down, I know they are not true.

You may lose people 

This point isn't a sad thing and shouldn't be, because the right people will stay in your life and will help you. It's all about the people who can see you at your worst and are there to help you, deserve to see you at your best. When you open about your anxiety, you'll soon realise who the right people are for you.

Things you need to know

You can get the help and support you need

Help and support are out there, I can assure you. Whether it's the support system around you, your colleagues, friends you meet online, family, therapists, or mental health hotlines, there is someone you can talk to. 

It's important to utilise this support network in order for them to help you in any way they can. Communicating your anxiety to people is the first step in getting help as you're vocalising it. I know it can be hard as not everybody will understand or want to help, but trust me, there will be people willing to help you every step of the way.

You're not alone

You are not alone ever. There is always somebody to talk to or somebody going through the same thing as you. Please understand that. You're never a burden and on your own with this. There are people to help you and you can help yourself too.

This too shall pass

This is a phrase I keep so close to my heart, especially when I'm having the worst time with my anxiety and I can physically feel the weight of it on my shoulders. 'This too shall pass' is a phrase a good friend of mine told me once and I'll never forget it and when I'm feeling my lowest, it's a great reminder. Even if you may feel your lowest right now and are struggling, things can only get better and this feeling will pass.

Anxiety doesn't define you

This is so important to realise. For years, I thought my anxiety made me who I was as I always felt it made me more difficult to deal with or I couldn't be 'normal', however that's not the case. You wouldn't blame someone with a physical condition for having pain so why would you with a mental illness? It should be treated exactly the same. And once I came to terms with this realisation and shook off the stigma, I also had the realisation that anxiety isn't me, it's just something I live with. I can deal with it and so can you.

You're stronger than you think

Fighting with your brain every day isn't easy as you're literally fighting with your own thoughts that nobody else can see - and that in itself is the strongest thing ever. You're stronger than you think and you've overcome obstacles most people don't even know and that is incredible. You should be proud of yourself and I know, you're going to keep overcoming those hurdles.

How to get help

There are many ways to get help with your anxiety if you're looking to seek it. Whether it's through traditional therapy, life coaching, EFT, or other holistic methods. It's all down to you which you'd like to try. 

Alternatively, if you need support and guidance, use the following hotlines. These services are free, anonymous, and are there for you whenever you need them.

Text 'SHOUT' to 85258 (UK-wide)

Samaritans - Call 116 123 (UK-wide)

Mind UK - 0300 123 3393

I hope you enjoyed this post. What other thoughts do you have about anxiety?

Thank you for reading <3