What they don't tell you about anxiety

 Well hello to you my reader chums! Anxiety is something I talk about all the time, whether it's sharing how I overcame my anxiety, my journey, or tips and tricks you can use in order to understand your anxiety and help yourself.

Anxiety isn't easy and is still a daily struggle for me, even though now I have a bigger and deeper understanding of the condition. Living with anxiety can be different for everyone and it varies from mild to severe, with a lot of people being triggered in different ways.

What they don't tell you about anxiety

Whether you have anxiety or someone you know does and you'd like to help, here is what they don't tell you about anxiety.

What they don't tell you about anxiety

The thinking never stops

You may have heard the term overthinker. Well, with anxiety, that's all part of the package. Every conversation, action, or interaction is probably going to be overthought, especially if it wasn't a completely overly positive thing. Anxiety is overthinking the conversation I had with an acquaintance on the street, anxiety is overthinking a comment I made in the work meeting and anxiety is thinking your best friends hate you even though they have no reason to.

It's a constant niggling feeling in your mind which tells you you're not good enough and that you need to worry about X Y and Z. It's hard to beat that voice and flip it, especially as with anxiety (if you've been living with it for a while), you're already used to that constant voice.

It isn't a one size fits all solution

Anxiety is different for everyone. Some people have major social anxiety and can't speak to others, some people may worry about picking up a phone and talking to someone, some people may be anxious about leaving their home town, anxiety can come in all forms. And because of this, not one thing can work for everyone in terms of a solution. Meditation and beach walks may help ease my anxiety but for others that could make it worse. Or, being around people sometimes helps my anxiety as it distracts me but if they're not the right people, I'm triggered.

There are many methods to the route on getting better with anxiety but before you suggest something to someone, just remember that because it worked for you, it doesn't mean it'll work for them.

You can't just stop worrying

Have you ever have friends that say - 'oh don't worry about it' or 'it's not a big deal'. With anxiety, everything is a big deal and it can be hard not to worry about it. The littlest things can send a domino effect of worry around in my brain and it can be exhausting. It's hard to experience that but it's even harder to communicate that to others who haven't experienced anxiety. It often makes me wonder what it would be like to not constantly worry about everything.

You need to feel in control

The thing about anxiety is that you need to feel in control at all times, otherwise, it can terribly trigger it off. Over the years, I've learnt the things I need to do to feel in control and how I can put those in place without controlling the situation, however, to this day, I struggle with this. It's hard when someone else plans my outing, I have to attend a meeting where I don't know what will happen or the plans I played out in my head over and over do not go as expected. 

Feeling in control can come from within and it's just about figuring out how to do just that in order to lessen the weight of anxiety.

It makes you question everything

I'm very grateful for my life, however, anxiety has made me question all the good things. Do my friends actually like me? Am I good enough for that job? Do people think I'm a good person? Am I doing enough? Am I too much? Some of these questions are regular occurrences in my mind and even though, I practice self-love regularly, it can be hard to squish these thoughts some days, especially if I'm having a bad mental health week or my anxiety has been triggered in one way or another.

It can be lonely

Any mental health condition can be lonely, as unfortunately, a lot of what's going on is in your own head and nobody can help that apart from yourself. When I'm triggered and having a really bad anxiety day, I want to be alone as I hate the thought of telling other people the thoughts that run through my brain as deep down, I know they are not true.

You may lose people 

This point isn't a sad thing and shouldn't be, because the right people will stay in your life and will help you. It's all about the people who can see you at your worst and are there to help you, deserve to see you at your best. When you open about your anxiety, you'll soon realise who the right people are for you.

Things you need to know

You can get the help and support you need

Help and support are out there, I can assure you. Whether it's the support system around you, your colleagues, friends you meet online, family, therapists, or mental health hotlines, there is someone you can talk to. 

It's important to utilise this support network in order for them to help you in any way they can. Communicating your anxiety to people is the first step in getting help as you're vocalising it. I know it can be hard as not everybody will understand or want to help, but trust me, there will be people willing to help you every step of the way.

You're not alone

You are not alone ever. There is always somebody to talk to or somebody going through the same thing as you. Please understand that. You're never a burden and on your own with this. There are people to help you and you can help yourself too.

This too shall pass

This is a phrase I keep so close to my heart, especially when I'm having the worst time with my anxiety and I can physically feel the weight of it on my shoulders. 'This too shall pass' is a phrase a good friend of mine told me once and I'll never forget it and when I'm feeling my lowest, it's a great reminder. Even if you may feel your lowest right now and are struggling, things can only get better and this feeling will pass.

Anxiety doesn't define you

This is so important to realise. For years, I thought my anxiety made me who I was as I always felt it made me more difficult to deal with or I couldn't be 'normal', however that's not the case. You wouldn't blame someone with a physical condition for having pain so why would you with a mental illness? It should be treated exactly the same. And once I came to terms with this realisation and shook off the stigma, I also had the realisation that anxiety isn't me, it's just something I live with. I can deal with it and so can you.

You're stronger than you think

Fighting with your brain every day isn't easy as you're literally fighting with your own thoughts that nobody else can see - and that in itself is the strongest thing ever. You're stronger than you think and you've overcome obstacles most people don't even know and that is incredible. You should be proud of yourself and I know, you're going to keep overcoming those hurdles.

How to get help

There are many ways to get help with your anxiety if you're looking to seek it. Whether it's through traditional therapy, life coaching, EFT, or other holistic methods. It's all down to you which you'd like to try. 

Alternatively, if you need support and guidance, use the following hotlines. These services are free, anonymous, and are there for you whenever you need them.

Text 'SHOUT' to 85258 (UK-wide)

Samaritans - Call 116 123 (UK-wide)

Mind UK - 0300 123 3393

I hope you enjoyed this post. What other thoughts do you have about anxiety?

Thank you for reading <3

58 comments

  1. Great post! Yes, it's very hard to just "stop worrying" haha in some situations, and while there are ways to manage anxiety it is different for everyone. Thanks for sharing this insight Della, I'm sure others will find this very helpful x

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  2. It drives me crazy when I hear people say things like stop worrying or calm down. If it was that simple, no one would have anxiety. Great post, it's a shame it's one of those things that's different for everyone and what helps some won't help others. It makes it a lot harder to find the best way to help and support x

    Sophie
    www.glowsteady.co.uk

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    1. Thank you so much! Exactly but hopefully those with anxiety will find the thing that helps them and the support they need xx

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  3. Brilliant post! I totally feel you - especially wanting to feel in control. Even though I've had anxiety for years, I've been thinking that me wanting to feel in control means there's something wrong with me. Thank you for this post x

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  4. Such a nice post! Anxiety is definitely something that is different for everyone. I think that is one of the reasons why we don't talk about it more.

    Antonia || Sweet Passions

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  5. Even now I'm learning so much about my own anxiety and anxiety in general. The thing I find most exhausting is how constant the overthinking is and, for me, the fear that rears its head when I'm in a bit of a loop/attack. It's encouraging to read posts like this (which is why I share about it on my blog too) because it's reassuring we're not alone and that there is support out there. I appreciate that you included that anxiety doesn't define us too -- that is such an important reminder.

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    1. I'm glad this post helped in some way, thank you so much xx

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  6. Very true points you make here. Anxiety can vary so wildly between each person and their symptoms/triggers. Even if you logical know something will not harm you or cause any lasting damage, your mind thinks otherwise. Thank you for sharing.

    Alexis| http://cafe-beauty.com

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  7. This is so true, especially the overthinking portion. I think another misconception is sometimes feeling anxious vs having anxiety. People tend to view anxiety is just being anxious sometimes and say "just relax."

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  8. Great points! Anxiety is definitely different for everyone and this will be so helpful for supporting people I know with anxiety, as a few of my friends have it. Thanks for sharing, this was so useful x

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  9. Yes to this! Anxiety looks completely different for everyone. The anxiety I had five years ago looks very different to my anxiety today. I have lost people because of my anxiety and it's seeped into so many aspects of my life. It takes a while to learn how to cope with your anxiety in a way that makes sense for you and to just show yourself kindness and extra love on those days.

    Nons Mshengu - https://cherbelle.co/

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    1. So glad you liked the post and agreed with my points!! x

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  10. people need to know more about anxiety and not to mock others because they don't know how it feels, I've been mocked a lot for stressing out when going out like they always tell me it is just people, YES I KNOW THEY ARE PEOPLE BUT THEY STRESS ME, thank you for your post its amazing!

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  11. I felt like shouting yes to every point you made. I've lost count of the amount of times someone has told me I'm just being silly for worrying about something. As if I have a choice! You've mentioned some great advice in this post.

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    1. Thank you so much, I'm really happy you liked the post!

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  12. I agree that every single person's experience with anxiety is unique. Navigating through anxiety can be tricky, but these points you have made are so helpful!
    xoxo
    Lovely
    www.mynameislovely.com

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  13. Hi Della,

    What a fantastic post - both informative and uplifting. And I'm sure that all of these tips and observations will be of great help to those with anxiety. Good job!

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  14. Great post! I think you're so right when you say that anxiety isn't a one size fits all type of thing. Anxiety to you looks different to anxiety to me & that's probably the hardest thing. As long as we keep the conversation going though and normalise that anxiety is a real thing and not just a case of being an overthinker, surely it's got to help!
    Claire.x
    www.clairemac.co.uk

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  15. Della, you're such an inspiration. I know that this post will help so many, countless, people out when they are feeling dark!
    Rosie

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    1. THAT HAS MADE MY DAY!! Thank you so so much xxx

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  16. As a person who deals with anxiety quiet often I have to say that you did a great job with this post! We all are different and we all can get anxious in different level each. Also what works for the one does not necessarily means that works for everyone. "This too shall pass" is what my mother keeps telling me when she knows I am anxious. Sometimes it helps but sometimes it irritates me.
    Thank you for sharing this post!

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  17. Great post and I agree with a lot of these. Although I overcame my anxiety, it's still something that crops up from time to time and it's important to remember that life isn't linear and things will ebb and flow like that but that's okay!

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  18. This is such a great post and one that describes anxiety so well. I too have periods of anxiety which come and go and it’s always a challenge when in the throws of it. Thanks for sharing.

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  19. I love the honesty and positivity of this post, the certainty that people suffering with anxiety can find ways to cope and flourish despite what they're dealing with. You have a wonderful and supportive outlook.

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  20. This is so true. I suffered with anxiety for so long but I did not know it was anxiety because no one around me was educated about mental health. So for years I just thought I was an overthinker and did not realize I was having constant anxiety attacks. Everything you said is so true. Now that I have had therapy and know more about anxiety, I have learned more about handling my anxiety.

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    1. Thank you, I'm glad it has helped! I'm also glad you now know more about your anxiety x

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  21. I agree with every single thing you've included in this post! Anxiety looks different for everyone and there isn't a one size fits all solution. I'm glad more people are speaking up about anxiety and debunking some of the things that we hear too often. Thank you for sharing, this is very important!

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  22. I completely agree. The one that really gets to me is when someone says 'just stop thinking about it' or 'don't be worrying'. It really doesn't help when youre feeling anxious. Well done for bringing up this difficult topic and starting the conversation x

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  23. Amazing post! Thank you for sharing about this! These points are so important and helpful! I totally agree that everyone experiences different situations so there's not just one thing to help.

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  24. This post is very helpful. So many people need help understanding anxiety. Thank you.

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  25. Such an amazing and helpful post Della, I know the feeling of thinking about everything and the overthinking side of things x

    Lucy | www.lucymary.co.uk

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  26. I agree with you, it does make us question ourselves about the good stuff. I did a lot but I try to keep it positive.

    Fransic - https://www.querianson.com/

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  27. "This too shall pass" is honestly the best thing that resonated with me in this writing! I love that you lead up to it by sharing some of the many ways anxiety can affect a life as well as some amazing and support-encouraging ways to meet it positively.
    Thanks for sharing!

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    1. Aww thank you so much for your kind words and I'm glad it resonates, I love that phrase xx

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  28. I find anxiety draining, both mentally and physically. To the point that sometimes I am exhausted just as I wake up after more than 8 hours sleep. Thank you for sharing this, Della, seeing it written down it's kind of relieving. xx

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  29. Such a great post, Della! I loved that you attached resources too! I know what it feels like to overthink so much! Thanks for sharing x

    Lynn | https://www.lynnmumbingmejia.com

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