Learning to say no and why it's so important

 Well hello to you my reader chums! Setting boundaries and saying no has always been deemed as a bad thing or something that is 'rude', however, it's the opposite of that. Saying no is all about having the love and respect for yourself, and doing what's right for you that'll it'll radiate better energy around you and towards other people.

Whether you find it hard to set boundaries or want to learn to say no easier, here are a few tips on how and why it's so important.

Learning to say no quote

Learning to say no - top tips on how to

Start off small

Nothing new in life is easy, it's all about building yourself up in feeling confident and okay in doing that 'thing', and that's the same with saying no. How many times have you worked extra hours, gone to a social event, or stayed with someone way too long, simply because you felt too shy or rude to say no? Probably many and you're not alone.

We never want to disappoint those around us and often follow the path we think they want for us in order to make them happy, but in turn that makes us unhappy and also makes us not realise who we are, what we want, and how to set boundaries. If something doesn't feel right, whether that's a social meet-up, job task, or trying a drink, you can say no. And starting small is the best way to do it. For instance, turning down a friend as you actually would prefer to have the time for yourself or staying in as you need a mental health day- saying no can apply in all instances and it's about respecting and valuing yourself first in order to make the right decisions.

Understand when someone is crossing a boundary

Boundaries are something I'm constantly learning about every single day and something I wish I learnt earlier in life - and are something we all need to implement for a better way of life. No two people are the same, even if they've got the same genes. We're all wired differently and we all have different boundaries, and it's important to learn what they are.

When you find yourself getting upset about something, even if it's something minor or seems 'unnecessary', it may mean that someone has stepped over a boundary - and that's why it's hard to place why you feel so upset or understand. If you begin to recognise this once, you'll then be in the mindset to know what triggers you and where you're boundaries are and start to implement them for the people around you.

Learn the steps in not feeling guilty

Saying no to friends, family, colleagues or even strangers can feel so unnatural as we're constantly taught to please people around us and be a 'yes' person, and that's where the feeling of guilt may begin to crop up. 

But, guilt is a feeling we can begin to diminish. Like all negative emotions, it can take time but it is possible. The best way to begin not feel guilty is by using affirmations and constantly reassuring yourself that you're making the decision for yourself as you love and care for yourself. You can also try to create a safe space within yourself and take the steps in your self-love journey as these two things as simple as they are, once conquered, can really change your mindset including when it comes to feeling guilty.

Understand you're never too much for the right person

This is something I cannot stress enough and what I've been implementing into many day-to-day thoughts, especially when it comes to people around me. You're never too much for the right person, in terms of your personality, mental health, and most importantly, your boundaries.

The right person will respect the boundaries you set for them, whether they're a pal or a partner and that's why it's so important to understand this concept. If you try to put a boundary in place and the other person doesn't understand or respect that, they're not right for you and it may be worth, creating your distance from that person. Once you understand that the right people will be there for you in every instance, including when you bail and say no, then you will live a much simpler life and be able to put the correct boundaries in place for your mental health.

Communicate why you're saying no

This isn't always necessary as no should be enough, you shouldn't have to explain yourself for being you or if something is hard such as a social situation. However, many people may not understand why you're saying no, and by communicating when you feel uncomfortable and why, or simply because it's not something you want to do or enjoy, will help the other person understand what you're going through - and avoid them doing it in future opportunities.

Why it's so important

Learning to say no is important for many different reasons and can benefit you more than you may realise at first. 

Learning to love and respect yourself

Self-love is something I talk about a lot on my blog and to those around me as we all deserve to love and accept every bit of who we are. Learning to say no feeds into the idea of self-love because, when you make the decision to say no to something that isn't bringing you joy, you're helping your overall life satisfaction and creating the room to do things you love - and will make you happy. It also helps you respect yourself and your own boundaries as you're showing those around you what those boundaries are. You can then understand yourself more, and everybody else can learn from that.

Benefiting your mental health

Mental health and raising awareness about it are so important. Some people may have a mental illness but we all have mental health and it's crucial to take care of your mind, the same way you would your body. Saying no also feeds into looking after your mental health as if you're pushed into doing something, it can make you unhappy and uncertain which in turn will have a negative impact on your mind. Boundaries are key to a happier mind.

Creating a safe circle of people around you

Being who you are is so important as we all deserve to be our true selves, there is only one of us. But that can only be possible when we accept and love ourselves and creating a safe circle of people around us. By saying no and creating boundaries, you'll slowly figure out who that safe circle is and who you can rely on for support and to be your authentic self. 

It gives power back to your life

Saying no is a powerful thing as saying yes is much easier. By saying no, you're taking control of your life, what you want, your dreams your passions, and creating the life you want to live. Saying no is the first step to big things.

I hope you enjoyed this post. What other tips do you have?

Thank you for reading <3

81 comments

  1. What a great post! I hate the guilty feeling of saying no, and it's definitely something I need to work on xx

    Hannah | https://luxuryblush.co.uk/

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  2. I'm so bad at this, and I always feel guilty when I do something for myself. Thank you for sharing these tips- and the importance of setting boundaries x

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  3. Saying no was never one of my strong points - more in work than in my private life. I tried to be the answer to every question and the go to girl but it lead me down a path of burn out and people taking advantage. I know my worth and know now that I don't have to prove myself every single time. I've learnt the power of saying no and it's changed my life!
    Rosie

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    1. I'm so glad you've been able to learn this skill, it's such a hard one x

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  4. Fab post. Saying yes aimlessly to everything, even things you don't enjoy or don't want to do, doesn't benefit anyone. We really need to put ourselves first sometimes too!

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  5. I’m so bad at this. I’m such a people pleaser that I always find myself saying yes. This is something I definitely need to improve on. Great post! Xx

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  6. I was never good at this. I always felt guilty for saying no. But when you start your self love journey you have to learn this skill. I can say that I am still learning about setting right boundaries and not to feel guilty about this. Really loved your tips. Thanks for sharing! x

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  7. Great post! Thank you for sharing this! It is very helpful as I struggle to say no a lot! It is so important to set boundaries and people should respect these boundaries!

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  8. Setting yourself guidelines as to what you are willing to do and knowing your worth is so very important. These are some great suggestions. Thank you for sharing.

    Lauren -bournemouthgirl.com

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  9. Great post! I've always been so bad at this - I'm such a people pleaser - but I'm definitely going to start working on this more. I love the idea of taking small steps and having boundaries, they both sound really helpful! Thanks for sharing x

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  10. I love this so much! I am a huge advocate of setting healthy boundaries. I think that being able to say no to things is a really good skill to learn. I really feel that being intentional with our "yeses" and "no's" makes our yes mean more. It means that we are really invested and committed to what we say yes to instead of saying yes because we feel we have to. Such a great post! :)

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  11. True, just saying no is a bit harsh sometimes. but with a bit of explanation will make the other person understand.

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  12. I learned the power of 'no' a couple years ago and felt the change it created in my life. Your tip for communicating why you are saying no, though, connects with me most here. It is so important to make sure everyone knows you are saying no for an actual reason, as opposed to just saying it.
    Thanks so much for sharing!

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  13. Great post, I am so much better at saying now but there's some circumstances where I'm not. I've found that sometimes I'll say yes, but then put barriers/why this isn't a good idea rather than saying no!

    Corinne x
    www.skinnedcartree.com

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  14. Ugh, this is so relevant in my family right now! I went through a boundary issue with a family member a few weeks ago and I had to have a chat with them and chat about boundaries and why I need to say no. Lovely tips and post, Della xx

    Lynn | https://www.lynnmumbingmejia.com

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  15. I'm so much better at saying no now. It's all because of you and you taught me to put my mental health first, so saying no is definitely good for my mental health. Thank YOU! xx

    lenne | lennezulkiflly.com

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    1. Your comment means so much to me, I'm so happy to hear that - thank you xx

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  16. Loved this! I have truly learned how to say no now and not feel guilty about it. My needs are as important as everyone else's needs and creating boundaries with people I love has helped me practice that. The people that truly love you will always support you in that and won't make you feel bad or guilty for putting yourself first.

    Nons Mshengu
    Creator of Cher Belle

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  17. I really do think that it's so unhealthy to say yes to everything, sometimes you have to be a little less selfless and think of yourself, a great post Della! x

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  18. Thanks for sharing, I do need to learn when to say No, as I keep doing things that are not helpful :)

    Nic | Nic's Adventures & Bakes

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  19. SO interesting!
    thanks for sharing,
    have a great week,
    S

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  20. Learning to say no is so important for sure! Thanks for sharing this!

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  21. This is such a great topic. I never used to say no until I read the book You Do You by Sarah Knight. It completely changed my mindset and made me realise I shouldn't feel guilty for doing something that doesn't make me happy.

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    1. Thank you! Ooh I'll need to give that a read xx

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  22. I definitely struggle with this! You're right. We need to love and respect ourselves but for some reason that is difficult. I definitely need to read this. Thank you!

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  23. This is a great post (as always, Della!) - I think being confident in saying no and asserting your boundaries is SO important. You can't give from an empty cup, after all xx

    mia // https://beautiful-inspiring-creative-life.com/

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  24. This is such a great post! I definitely find it hard to say no sometimes because I like to please everyone but it can definitely be empowering when you do say no! X

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  25. Thank you for this, there's some excellent advice there that I definitely need to take!

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  26. Great post Della! To learn how to say no may seem like a small thing but it can actually be a life changing decision. To learn how to say no means that you make a huge step towards a better self awareness, knowing and respecting your personal limits and desires. Thank you so much for sharing!

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  27. I am terrible at saying no, so this post was a great read for me Della! Setting boundaries it's definitely something I need to do for myself and others too x

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  28. What a great post! It’s a great reminder to all of us that we don’t have to take everything on and can and should say no when it’s in our best interest. Thanks for sharing Della!

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  29. Amazing post! I always say yes �� so this is definitely something for me to work on x

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  30. This is such a great post Della. I agree with so much of it & I'm so glad you mentioned about saying no and not having to justify it. Just saying no can be the most empowering thing. I used to be such a people pleaser, now not so much, and it's great!

    Claire.X
    www.clairemac.co.uk

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  31. This is one post that I really needed advice on. You have been so insightful.

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  32. Love love love this post! It's do important to learn to say no, especially for our own good. For too long I was a people pleaser and it definitely impacted my mental health as I get socially drained very easily. This serves as a great reminder to put our needs first and to learn to say no.

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  33. great post :) I need to start saying no more to things that don't bring me joy - I'm slowly getting better at it though! :)

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  34. Good post! This is so true! Saying no is more important than saying yes. It's because you can’t please everyone. This is about self love and respect. Plus, you’ll know a person’s true color by the way they react when you say no to them.

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  35. Ruth| Ruthiee loves Glamour12 July 2021 at 07:33

    Saying no can sound harsh sometimes but it is necessary to say no. Whenever someone asks me to do something that I am not okay with, I say no because I put my happiness and well being first and I feel like nothing should be allowed to come in the way of my happiness.

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  36. I've got a lot better at saying no in recent years. Sometimes we really need to stop and ask, what's the worst that can happen if we decline? Often, the answer is nothing very much. Fab tips, Della! x

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  37. I love this post. I hate saying no and I do it a lot with work. I feel so run down and tired, so learning how to say no is on my to do list. Thank you for the great tips! Em x

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  38. You are right; girls and firstborns or people with kind hearts tend to please others more often than others; nevertheless, it has its side effects on their mental health, and your post comes in handy to tackle and address this issue.

    Thanks for sharing a great post on this needed topic. xx

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  39. Such an amazing post! I do find sometimes it's difficult to say no to my clients. But at the end of the day, I need to consider the side effects on my mental health if I keep saying 'yes'. Thank you for sharing this x

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  40. This is such an amazing post. I found it difficult to say no but I have been working on it and feel I am getting better at not feeling so guilty for saying no, and putting myself first.

    Sarah | www.aspoonfulofvanilla.co.uk

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  41. Hi Della, Such a great post. It's so important to say no, I really struggled with it at first but as I get older it's becoming a lot easier. Thanks for sharing!

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